I believe that a break up does not happen overnight. I believe it is a whole process that begins with noticing some flags. Flags can be categorised as green, yellow or red, just like a traffic light! The green flags are good habits that ought to be appreciated. The yellow are bad, but don’t call for alarm. The red ones are the ones that we should be wary about. Once you notice these, run! Flee!
People who divorce are usually those who noticed the red flags while dating and decided that they would change their partners. It’s not possible to change someone, change comes from an inner conviction, not from external probing.
🚩 1. Violence
If your partner hits you, whether it's a male or a female, only you can put a stop to it. Tell them straight away to stop it or you're walking out and if they repeat it again, WALK AWAY! Don't ever fool yourself that you can change a whole grown up person, you can't and guess what, they also won't change until you show them that you will not be another victim of GBVF. Walk away from abuse. No-one wants to be yelled at. It's just toxic, partners should be able to solve problems amicably.
🚩 2. Married
If he or she is married, well, they're married. If they wanted to leave, they would have left. Don't buy into the lie, "I'm already out of that marriage. I'm filing for divorce." You'll be shocked to discover after a year that they're expecting a child. Just know, they're married and that's their current status.
🚩 3. Controlling
Just stay away from controlling partners, man or woman. You don't need to be controlled like a television set. Some people can be so manipulative, they will even emotionally bribe their partners with suicidal threats or yelling.
🚩 4. Lack of Communication
Communication doesn't mean we should talk every minute about every little thing! No.
"Good morning babe, hope you slept well. Have a great day."
"Good afternoon, hun, how's your day going? Thinking of you."
"Hey love, I won't be able to make it tonight. Will see how it goes tomorrow. I love you, good night."
Only important details of your day should be shared. Don't keep silent when you should be communicating.
Communicating is not shouting and it's not one sided. It's a conversation between two partners. And when someone ghosts you, stay far away.
🚩 5. Alcoholism and drug abuse
There's social drinking of a glass or one beer. This is not the alcoholism we're talking about. When a person drinks excessively, sometimes drinking even the rent and grocery money, walk away. Walk away from people who abuse drugs, you're not a rehabilitation center.
🚩 6. Liar
Once you catch them out on a single lie, it will be quite difficult to trust them again. What's the point of carrying on without trust?
🚩 7. Possessiveness
Someone who is always calling you, always asking where you are and with who. This is just a huge 'no no'. Being in a relationship doesn't mean owning each other... Let people breathe!
Love SHOULDN’T hurt
These are just my own personal opinions. They might differ from yours and it’s okay. What’s not okay is ignoring red flags, thinking they’ll magically disappear. Remember in soccer, once the red card is out, the offender leaves the playing field. You’re the referee of your heart. Don’t hesitate to give out red cards, it might just save you from a heartache.