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Features, Lifestyle

Relationships can last long, here’s how

Cheating. Commitment. Compromise…

Let’s talk about relationships/ marriages.

Why are relationships and marriages not lasting?

Infidelity/ Cheating, seems to be the top reason for divorces and break ups in relationships. Married people no longer respect the marital bed and are not afraid to defy it. What happened to having eyes for the one you’re married to and that one alone? It’s not only men who cheat, women too cheat and it is becoming a norm.

The truth is that an affair can be physical, emotional, or both.

More and more single people are preferring to date married men. This is mainly because they are running away from commitment. Nowadays, people prefer relationships with no strings so that they’re still at liberty to see other people. Nobody wants to be answerable or accountable to anyone. We want to be ‘free range’.

Why are we now afraid of commitment? What happened to love being a wonderful thing?

Previous experiences may be the cause of the fear of commitment. Commitment requires trust and loyalty. When you have been betrayed too many times, it will be quite difficult to commit to anyone.

How did we get here?

Society is now portraying being single as fashionable, is it? Is it really fashionable to not have someone to call your own? Someone to plan your future with. Someone to grow old with. Is being alone really better than being in a committed relationship? Maybe for women buy as for men, God has spoken:

It is not good for man to be alone.

Genesis 2:18, The Bible

Could it be that we have lost resilience? It’s easy to commit when everything is going well but, as soon as the boat begins to rock we jump ship.

We have also become selfish, always trying to prove a point, always fighting to see that we’re always right. We want to win arguments at the expense of our relationships/ marriages. Have relationships become a competitive, instead of a team? Men and women can never be the same so it’s pointless to compete. We were created to complete each other.

In a marriage, disagreement is inevitable, but conflict is optional — a choice we make.

Thomas Bradbury and Benjamin Karney

Compromise is key. My late former father-in-law always said, “My daughter, marriage is about comprises. It is a give and take.” It simply means that you should give and you should also receive. Once you are the one who does all the giving and receiving nothing, you become tired.

I have an ask:

Why do women want to control men after marriage? A man is an adult human being, if you can’t control a child, how do you expect to control a grown man with testosterone? Is it wise to even attempt it? If you treat him like a child, he will behave like one. One thing I’ve noticed is that women react with emotions instead of brains. As soon as women learn to use mentality over emotions, marriages will last longer. Don’t force things using your words. Be wise! If you know that he is a liar, why bother to keep asking questions hoping to hear the truth? If you have said it before and that didn’t work, why bother repeating it again and again? Find other ways until you get the desired outcome. Women need to use wisdom in relationships. Study your partner. Know what works and what doesn’t. In the end, it will bring you peace.

Remember:

Even though we’re together, we’re still individual people with personal dreams and visions. Never abandon your own dreams just because you are married. Work on yourself, empower yourself and concentrate on you above everything else. If your partner wants to join you, wonderful. If not, carry on. Don’t make another person’s life your main focus in life. You also have a life, live it.

About Constance van Niekerk

Constance van Niekerk, (Connie V) is a creative writer, poet, music lover, spoken word artist, freelance writer, blogger and educator. She has contributed to several anthologies and published her own collection, Echoes of My Heart: A Poetry Collection available for purchase on all Amazon Stores Worldwide. Follow her on Twitter : @convanniekerk Connect with her on Facebook and Linkedin.

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