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Dear Sister

It’s been a while since I offered some sisterly advice so, here goes.

Growing up, our mothers told us that men should be given unconditional love, actually, they should be loved no matter what. If they cheat, they should be loved. If they are poor, or worse, don’t have jobs, they should still be loved. If they abuse you, stay and love them. Like, really?

Mothers told us that a poor man should be loved too, as it’s not a crime to be poor. Mothers know best, right…. nah. Mother mother mother…. Maybe way back, this was good advice but, right now, this is the worst advice.

How do we measure a man’s ‘poorness’? Does every poor man deserve love? In theory, maybe but, if a man can not afford to pay his own bus fare to visit you and buy food when he comes to visit you, does such man deserve love? A man will ask you for transport money so that he can come to your house, eat your food and ride you all night… Ladies, that man deserves to be as far away from you as possible. I understand a man who occasionally asks your financial assistance, but definitely, there should be a limit. Why bother to get committed to a man who can not buy a loaf of bread, and expect such a man to marry you. With what will he marry you? This is why we have so many women living with men who have not sent a single cent to their families, how will such a man look after a family?

Photo by Rachel Claire on Pexels.com

And, mothers also used to say that if a man beats you up, just stay for the sake of the children… rubbish! The day he lifts up his hand on you, start making plans to leave him. Start hustling to get money so you can better your life. Get a driver’s license, save for accommodation or you and your kids, do a short course, learn a new skill that can give you extra money. Don’t just leave a man, strategize first before you leave…

Photo by Brady Knoll on Pexels.com

I’m sure our mothers are very wise but, life has changed so much. Ladies need to wake up! Do not settle for nonsense. Do not settle for men who are not trying to be better. Every person must work on him/herself and those who are not interested in working on themselves become toxic. The truth of the matter is, you teach a person how to treat you and what you allow will continue.

About Constance van Niekerk

Constance van Niekerk, (Connie V) is a creative writer, poet, music lover, spoken word artist, freelance writer, blogger and educator. She has contributed to several anthologies and published her own collection, Echoes of My Heart: A Poetry Collection available for purchase on all Amazon Stores Worldwide. Follow her on Twitter : @convanniekerk Connect with her on Facebook and Linkedin.


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