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Features, Lifestyle

A visit to the man-cave (part 2)

Constance van Niekerk

The first man-cave I visited was somewhere in Johannesburg, SA where we found a family man we will call ‘Lucky’. Lucky was very receptive,  and this is what he had to say:

That’s a very interesting question. Truth is , yes men have feelings. We do feel insecure at times and we do love for sure. To prove to you that men do get hurt, there are many cases of men killing their loved ones and then commit suicide. I obviously don’t condone that. But this is a sign of deep hurt and frustration or disappointment in some cases. 

Society has taught us that a man doesn’t cry. So, as a result, men don’t communicate their challenges and fears with their partners and their peers because they may be viewed as weak. 

A lot needs to change about how we are socialized. I personally hated the idea of taking a “girl child to work” and I still hate it with a passion. I have a son and two daughters. That means when my wife takes my two daughters to work and leave my son, he doesn’t really matter and no one cares how he feels. So it’s OK to mentor girls and leave boys at home? And then we get surprised when these young men become animals that rape and rob the very girls who are treated a little better than them? 

Men have feelings and I believe we need to realize that rectifying the injustices of abuse and patriarchy on women, cannot get to 360 degrees solution until we include men
Isn’t it interesting that the very same men that are called trash, usually love the sisters unconditionally? Men don’t usually care if a sister is employed or not. As long as he loves her, he will support her emotionally and financially. Some men even pay for the tertiary fees of their women when they realize that the woman cannot afford. Yet in many cases, women make it clear that a man has to have a job when they get into relationships with them. It’s very possible that there are women out there who love brothers just for who they are and not what they have. But my suspicion is that the ratio is very small.

I don’t know how many episodes of Date My Family I’ve watched where women want to know if a man is employed or not.

I know I may not be very popular with this view and maybe many sisters may even hate me, but in my view, men actually have more love than them. 

Some of us have exes we supported, helped through university because we wanted the best for them. We wanted to build them to become something in the society. Yet once you hear of a case where a woman is looking after a man financially for a certain period of time before he could stand on his own, that man will be called all sorts of horrible names and the woman will be encouraged to leave the “user/ parasite and useless and good for nothing man” 

You feel me?

Yeah bro… I feel ya… Let me just leave it here, and head up north across the Limpopo River ndonanga Zimbabwe, kumusha!

Catch ya on the flip side! 🙋

About Constance van Niekerk

Constance van Niekerk, (Connie V) is a creative writer, poet, music lover, spoken word artist, freelance writer, blogger and educator. She has contributed to several anthologies and published her own collection, Echoes of My Heart: A Poetry Collection available for purchase on all Amazon Stores Worldwide. Follow her on Twitter : @convanniekerk Connect with her on Facebook and Linkedin.


2 thoughts on “A visit to the man-cave (part 2)

  1. I find this an interesting article in that by giving males a platform, it reaffirms that Gender Equality is part of human beings’ original conception which has been (or continues to be) distorted by some self-serving social biases.

    Good topic choice Ms. Editor … Kudos to you!


    Posted by bigtimmz | Dec 5, 2019, 04:59

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