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When a woman is fed up

Constance van Niekerk in Vereeniging, SA

A woman knows when she is loved, when she is needed, when she is being lied to, used and abused. Every woman in the depths of her heart knows when she must be staying or packing her bags.

Why then are the women staying when it is as clear as day that they should be walking away? Why are there women in abusive relationships, you may well ask. Well, it’s simple. Women love too much, so they give the man a chance to change in the name of love.  She always tries to fix things, always tries talking to the man. The man may call her several things, the favourite being ‘’insecure’. At times I wonder if men really know the meaning of the word. Other favourites are, ‘’nagging’, ‘desperate’ and ‘’bothersome’.

Often he snaps, “Stop complaining!”. He never tries to reassure her or to comfort her and never promises to compromise or make things right. Instead, he feels agitated, suffocated and annoyed and every attempt she makes to fix their relationship falls flat on its face. Yet there’s no denying it’s a good thing when she wants to talk things over. It means that she still loves her man and is willing to mend the relationship. In the next stage, she stays just to see how far he is going to go with his intransigence. She is, at this point, basically, asking herself, “How stupid does he think I am?”
Eventually, she stops talking or trying to, and stops ‘bothering’ the man. Imagine an elastic band that is overstretched way too many times. What happens to it after a period? It loses its elasticity. It simply ceases to stretch. So, remember the elastic band every time you try her patience, take her for granted or mistake her silence and kindness for stupidity.

Every woman has her breaking point. Some can take stretching even way after the elasticity is gone, but one day the band just suddenly gives in and breaks. She may stick around long after the fire is extinguished, but sooner or later she reaches the ‘danger zone’, the boiling point, the point of ‘enough is enough’. This is why no other person can convince a woman to leave her spouse no matter how abusive he is. But, once the woman has reached her breaking point, there is no way you can convince her to stay. Just as R. Kelly says in his song, ‘When a Woman’s Fed Up’, ‘when a woman’s fed up (no matter how you beg, no) it  ain’t nothing you can do about it… you can cry a river till an ocean starts to form…’ This is a special destination that every woman is capable of reaching. If you’re a woman you can only reach this decisive point when you have really had enough, when you are fed up. If you keep tolerating someone else’s nonsense, you have not yet had enough. If you keep running back to the same man who insults you, disrespects you and does not appreciate you, you simply have not yet reached the breaking point. A woman who has reached this stage walks away resolutely from anyone who causes her pain and she keeps walking and never looks back.

She may endure a love-less relationship. A relationship where she is never referred to as ‘’baby’, ‘honey’, ‘’sweetheart’ or the ever popular ‘’bae’ and ‘’bubu’, but always called by her full name, a relationship where she has not been introduced to not even one of his friends or relatives, she may not even know where he lives! She may tolerate unanswered calls, un-replied messages, broken promises and lies. She just has not reached her breaking point, yet, but, like a dormant volcano, she will erupt one day. And when she finally does, she walks out and away for good. She does not, after that, think of you or spend a second of her time missing you. On the other hand, you will miss her terribly with each passing day. Believe you me, you will, because every woman is different. You will never find another woman with such an enduring spirit as hers.
Woe unto the men who meet this woman soon after she has erupted; hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! You may call her ‘‘bitter’ or even ‘‘a crazy bitch’ (excuse my French). She ain’t crazy, or bitter. She is, mad as hell!

About Constance van Niekerk

Constance van Niekerk, (Connie V) is a creative writer, poet, music lover, spoken word artist, freelance writer, blogger and educator. She has contributed to several anthologies and published her own collection, Echoes of My Heart: A Poetry Collection available for purchase on all Amazon Stores Worldwide. Follow her on Twitter : @convanniekerk Connect with her on Facebook and Linkedin.


8 thoughts on “When a woman is fed up

  1. Very true narrative here. I’m a man but dare I say you’re hitting the nail on the head. I’ll share this with my lady friends who are undergoing streams of abuse.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Kudyahakudadirwe | Dec 10, 2016, 13:53
  2. Nicely done,jus hope it opens up the eyes of those in a similar scenario.Honesty I wish men should treat women with respect in all aspects.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by moe | Dec 11, 2016, 09:17
  3. Wonderful contribution and literally excellently executed Connie.Thumbs up.It’s a vicious circle.I believe the best way to extinguish a fire is to understand the source. It would be catastrophic to attempt putting out and electrically initiated fire using water. A lot of abusive men came from abusive households. A lot of unloving men are bred by unloving families. Love is a seed. It’s sown,nurtured then harvested. An apple seed will always produce an apple harvest. If you are really observant some men are even sincere in their abusiveness state.I mean they don’t see anything wrong with their behaviour. That is why capital or punitive attempt towards redemption is often met with resistance. It’s exactly like beating an apple tree to give birth to an orange.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Nyasha | Dec 12, 2016, 17:13
  4. So true. You couldnt have said it better.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Yvonne | Jan 6, 2017, 03:33

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